The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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