Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
