Duck Duck Cougar?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
