dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
