She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
