My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
