my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
