Taylor Swift is so right about you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
