im about as happy as oj after his trial
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
