Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
