She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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