So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
