So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The power of my boobs compel you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize