Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
