Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
