So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
