my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
