Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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