found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
