There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
