So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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