What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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