can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
