well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
