the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
