My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
