It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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