If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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