Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
