hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
