Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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