I wanna passion pit in your ass
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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