Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
