careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
