I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
