I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
