Will you blow on my dice?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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