Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
