yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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