I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
