Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
