have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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