My friends, they love my intelligence
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
