I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
