i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
