Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
