I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
