you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
