I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
