I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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