I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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