Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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