My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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