i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
