Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
