Im at strip club and am horny
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
