he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
