You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
