even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
