This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need mimosas to revive my soul
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
