I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
