ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
