Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
