Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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