3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
